Top Ten Ways To Find a Wife (in the Old Testament)

Stuff this good can’t be made up.

10. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours. – (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

9. Find a prostitute and marry her. – (Hosea 1:1-3)

8. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

7. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. – Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

6. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. – Benjamites (Judges 21:19-25)

5. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep.-Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

4. Kill any husband and take his wife. -David (2 Samuel 11)

3. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for a wife -David (I Samuel 18:27)

2. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you’ll definitely find someone. -Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

1. Don’t be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. – Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)


I’m partial to #3, but maybe that’s just me…

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